We all know John Michael, those friends of ours who only exist when they need something from us. In short, John lang pag Michaelangan. I know you’re also familiar with those friends who are avoided by the rest of the squad because they have nothing to share but their problems and negativities in life. Stressful right? Once in your life, have you been a friend to whom those kinds of persons always run to? Did you run from them? Hid from them? Or just seen their chats and texts?
I am not the listener type. As a self-proclaimed stress absorber, I rarely listen to my friends about their problems. Of course I tried at least, but because aside from I don’t want to give them any unsolicited advice, I believed I have nothing to offer to help them. So I did hide from them, or should I say, I almost disappeared for them.
I have this kind of friend whose name has been associated with problems. As if “pasaan nya ang daigdig” as we would exaggerate. Actually, he’s a reliable one, our common friends would always ask for his help and he would always say yes, without realizing that he’s already saying no to himself. He’s helpful. Ironically, he cannot help himself. I hated him because he always lends his hand to others but when it’s him who needs help already, I’m one of those that he would run to. Over time, I felt that he knew I didn’t want to listen to him anymore, especially about his difficulties. I would tell myself that he’s not the only one who’s having a rough time here; as we were all going through the hardships of college life during that time. His phone calls and messages became seldom until I’m not receiving any of those from him anymore. After all, he is still my friend and I never closed my doors for him.
One day, we found out that he lost his mother. They spent mothers’ day in the hospital and the day after that, he had to say goodbye to her. I know it was difficult for him but I cannot say how difficult it is right now. All I know is that it was unimaginably painful. Knowing him, I know he’ll cry for that more than any problems that he had. The world that he’s been carrying will be a lot heavier.
After months of not hearing anything from him; his name suddenly appeared on my phone. He was calling. I literally got allergic with him, I didn’t want to answer it because I already know what it is about. He has a problem. What am I supposed to tell him? Just be strong? Again? Because I’m a bit paranoid about phone calls thinking that it might be an emergency, (although I knew what I’m going to hear from him) I answered his call. A little catching up and then there he went, he started enumerating his problems. I listened patiently and tried my best not to sigh while he’s speaking. I admit I am not the listener type, but if there’s a friend who badly needs someone to talk to, I try my best to listen to them. It was a sincere conversation. He spoke, I listened and I gave few advices which I thought could at least make him feel better.
I was surprised when I heard myself telling him that if ever he felt the need to talk to someone again, do not hesitate to give me a ring. Was that me speaking? I thought it was funny, listening to a friend, giving advices and telling them we can do it over again if he needs me. That wasn’t even me. At the end of our conversation, he gave me a simple thanks. Short but sincere. I felt a little joy in my heart. His appreciation made me feel that I helped a lot. Even though I did nothing to solve his problems, I felt that even just for a while, he is relieved by just having someone who listens to him. That was the moment I appreciated the magic of listening. I understood that when you listen, you do not necessarily have to answer back. Two ears are enough to lighten a heavy heart; to help someone feel a little less lonely. Most importantly, to make a friend feel that he was never alone.
I failed to realize that every now and then I also transform into a person whom I call “toxic.” I almost forget that like them, I also face hardships and feel sad. Then I do the same; I look for someone to release my emotions to; I always run to a friend; I run to God. Whenever I feel like everyone else got tired of my rants, he has been there, waiting for me to turn to him. After praying to Him, I feel a lot better. Let us not forget that God was always there for us to show us the path. When you find yourself in this situation, don’t feel bad. Don’t feel used. Instead, be grateful that when your friends are in the darkest time of their lives, they saw you as the light to find their way out.
