How are you? Where are you now? Are you doing okay? These are some of the questions I have in mind which until now are left unanswered.
It seems like it was only yesterday when I graduated college. You were by my side and I always thought that everything was going according to plan. This is the start of our journey, the start of our dreams.
Two months later, I started a job. A job in your company. We moved to another house to be closer to our work, bought new furnitures, enjoyed the balcony and the peace and serenity that comes along with this journey we are about to embark on.
You never failed to remind me to chase my dream, even if I already had a job, to grace the skies like what I have always planned to do since I was young. In turn, I never fail to remind you that I haven’t forgotten about that dream and will make it one of these days.
I thought everything was going well until you started to feel a pain which worsened as days went by. Once we got the results, I never thought it would happen to someone so dear and close to my heart. My heart shattered and I remember crying so loudly in the hospital after learning that you’re at the last stage of cancer.
I had so many regrets after hearing that news. Regrets I still have to this day. I wish I could’ve said I love you many times before, everyday if I could, but I didn’t. I wish I could’ve kissed you more when I was growing up but I didn’t. I am thankful, though, that I have always reminded you that you are the most important person in my life, but for me, it’s nothing compared to telling you that I love you. I don’t know how many days were wasted not saying those words and I regretted all of that the minute you broke the news to me about your illness.
The tables have turned. I am now the parent and you are the child in the house. I took care of everything you have to eat while you go to treatment. After that, I go to work. When you get back, I help you with little tasks like walking, changing your clothes, and many other things because you were too exhausted to do it. I remember my colleague said she saw you in the lobby of our building struggling to walk and you were out of breath with the little steps you take and that crushed me but still, there was a little hope inside of me that everything will be okay and you will be healed.
I was starting to feel optimistic because I thought treatment was working. Until one day, you felt immense pain which worsened until finally, I had to call an ambulance. I remember you shedding a tear while I was crying waiting for help. You were already having trouble breathing. I remember the last exchange we had. I told you I love you for the last time and you told me “I love you too. Wag ka umiyak. Gusto ko happy ka lagi.”
That day was hard. It was the first time I saw someone perform CPR. It was the day I rode in an ambulance for the first time. It was the day doctors asked me, a 20 year old, someone who just graduated college, if I wanted them to continue reviving you. It was a decision so hard to make, even adults don’t know the answer. Eventually, we had to let you go. It was the most painful decision I have ever gone through in my life.
It has been difficult for me to smile after that, even until now. We were inseparable because it was only just the two of us in life. Now, I’m all by myself. But if you could hear me now, I want to tell you that I’m flying 15,000 ft. in the air as a flight attendant and I have visited places we longed to see. I did it. I made my dream come true. Thank you for helping me do that. I still have that email you sent me on how to pass the interview and it worked!
I hope wherever you are, you don’t feel the pain anymore. Don’t worry about me. You made sure I grew up strong and independent. I love you always and that will never change. Happy mother’s day, mom.
Darrelle Elizabeth Uy
Darrelle is the only child of her mom.
A graduate of Bachelor’s Degree in Communication from Trinity University of Asia,
she is now working as a flight attendant, a job that she had always dreamed of with her mom.
